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Craigslist - Seeking an acquaintance/maybe more, interested in sharing a pizza

Living alone, working during the week, and lacking in social interaction skills, a wonderful young man such as myself has trouble enjoying the thrill of pizza that many other people are able to while operating within acceptable social conventions. Let’s be honest: you don’t want to order a pizza buy yourself. You can’t eat all of it yourself, unless of course you are a fatass, in which case you’ve probably cast aside the shame of society at this point already and have no problem ordering this fine Italian cuisine for yourself. Not yet sinking to this level, I am seeking a like-minded acquaintance to share a delicious pizza while not feeling like losers. 

I don’t want to attract your attention to have you find out I’m not what you expected, so I feel I must be honest with the fact that I am a vegetarian. I mean, it’s not a problem for me to get my healthy, delicious vegetables on half while you can load yours with the ground intestines of poor innocent animals. I’m not going to sit around and make you feel bad about it. 

Also, I’m a patter. If that bothers you, then you’ll have to find someone else to eat pizza with. I use several napkins to remove grease from the pizza by dabbing the top, or pressing, based on the amount of grease and stickiness of the cheese. No, it isn’t exactly eco-friendly, but the amount of grease on some of these things is a little ridiculous. 

While I am looking for an acquaintance, if we are able to enjoy pizza together while engaging in polite, interesting, colloquial conversation, then I would be more than willing to see if the we could move into a sort of pizza friendship over time. Obviously, it will depend on our chemistry. We can watch movies, or perhaps hilarious television shows such as Parks & Rec, Seinfeld reruns, old Arrested Development DVD’s, Modern Family, or something crazy and new. I’ll try any show once. That goes for beer too. I enjoy consuming a nice, cold beverage while eating my pizza. I would not be opposed to trying a variety of beers to have with our pizza. NO TWISTED TEA. 

Look. I don’t want to order an entire pizza and have a pizza delivery dude look at me with a sad look like I don’t have any friends. Also, this way I wouldn’t need to have leftovers. Then when people see me eating leftovers at work I don’t have to make up a story about ordering tons of pizza for a gnarly party and having extra because people were too busy getting bombed and being awesome to eat all of it. 

So, if you also enjoy pizza and would like company masticating, please shoot me an e-mail. If you want, you could even pick it up on your way over so we can save some $$$ on delivery costs. Also, just FYI I have a DVD player, Super Nintendo, and like a 26” color TV so we have mad options. Also, a computer… if you have a laptop you can bring it; I steal wireless from my neighbor. 

hahaa